Oct
13
Hey idiot, RTA is coming through!
Submitted by John Farnswell on October 13, 2009 - 8:40pm
To: Greater Cleveland Regional Transit Authority (RTA)
Subject: Improvement to your proposed audible warning system
Soon this RTA bus will tell you to get the hell away from the crosswalk!I read today in the Cleveland Plain Dealer newspaper that RTA soon will be installing an audible system on buses to warn pedestrians at crosswalks of oncoming buses.
To do this, the phrase "Caution, bus turning, pedestrians look both ways, look both ways," will emanate from stereo speakers inside and outside the bus as it approaches a crosswalk. Read more
Sep
27
The death of the informative John Farnswell Wikipedia page
Submitted by John Farnswell on September 27, 2009 - 9:57am
To: "Frank" - Wikipedia administrator
Subject: Deletion of the John Farnswell Wikipedia page
Wikipedia - You just pissed off the wrong Fruit Gusher enthusiastI am stunned and hurt by your deletion of my John Farnswell Wikipedia page. I am an up-and-coming Cleveland-based humor writer. My web site 13emails.com has made dozens of people giggle and possibly even laugh, yet you feel I am not "important or significant" enough to be included in your encyclopedia? Read more
Sep
20
The Eric Freeman-inspired eye brow acting workshop
Submitted by John Farnswell on September 20, 2009 - 8:49pm
To: The Actors Studio
Subject: Inquiry about putting on a free workshop at the Actor's Studio
Eric Freeman's eye browsI'm writing your prestigious school to see if you'd be interested in a free workshop that I think would be ideal for your students. I put on one hour workshops here in Cleveland that introduce and demonstrate the Eric Freeman-inspired eye brow acting method.
This workshop has been a hit here, and the eye brow acting it presents has been instrumental in my performances in a local production of the "Vagina Monologues" and in my big screen debut in Spiderman 3 as "Man on street looking up #7." Read more
Sep
15
Cleveland Metroparks Zoo - rated NC-17
Submitted by John Farnswell on September 15, 2009 - 11:44am
To: Cleveland Metroparks Zoo facilities department
Subject: Deeply concerned about the behavior in the African Savanna exhibit
The only kid-friendly photo I could take of the giraffesFirst, let me congratulate the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo on having wonderful animals and exhibits that are very exciting to see.
However, my last visit to your zoo presented some challenges for me as a parent. My daughter and I were really excited to see the giraffes, zebras and ostriches running around in the African Savanna exhibit. In fact, it is the entire reason we went to the zoo. Read more
Sep
11
TAPS (The Atlantic Paranormal Society) investigation request
Submitted by John Farnswell on September 11, 2009 - 10:47am
Is Froggy's voice demonically possessing my wife?To: Amy Bruni of TAPS
Subject: Need an investigation ASAP!
First, I love your work on the Ghost Hunters TV show. But more importantly, I am writing you today in the hopes that you will help expedite my request to the TAPS case manager. The situation, while not dire, is quite urgent. I have copy and pasted below the initial form information I filled out and emailed to the TAPS case manager.
Please put the good word in for me.
Looking for answers,
John Farnswell
Address: (REMOVED), Willoughby, Ohio 44095
Type of establishment: Personal residence Read more
