The Hawaii Chair has a side effect

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To: Perfect USA
Subject: My hips won't stop rotating

The Hawaii Chair: Who knew pretending to exercise could be so fun?I've been using your Hawaii Chair for some time now, and I'm convinced that it is the most awesome pseudo-ab workout since the AbGymnic electro-shock belt.

I'm proud to admit that I am most likely your best customer. I have Hawaii Chairs in my office cubicle, at my dining room table and in my "sexual liaison / adult swinger" themed basement.

I was skeptical, at first. But after trying the Hawaii Chair the first time, I learned that not only does it work, it's an ass load of fun too. My only problem with the chair is that when I stand up after sitting on the thing all day, I literally cannot stop rotating my hips.

This wouldn't be a big problem if the uncontrollable hip spiraling didn't completely throw off my equilibrium when I was walking. Have you ever walked down a hallway with your boss and knocked him over 3 times in a one-minute span because you can't keep your balance? It's not fun.

Or have you tried riding a bike with your pelvis thrusting rhythmically as you try to peddle? Let me tell you, people get a little weirded out. In fact, some idiot called the cops on me when I rode passed the elementary school.

I notice that this side effect wasn't discussed in your highly professional, informative infomercial:

Do you have any suggestions for reducing my post-Hawaii Chair hip swirling?

With rotating hips,
John Farnswell

P.S. You'll also be happy to know that I finally learned how to sit on the Hawaii Chair and drink coffee without spilling the contents of my mug all over my lap.